Damnit!

I think I’m coming down with my kids’ cough.  I was actually up at 5:30 this morning, unable to sleep, no matter how hard I tried. SO, instead of lying there, miserable, I came downstairs and worked a bit on The Red Surge. I was back up within about an hour and finally fell asleep until both boys were awake at 9:30. Damned kids just haven’t been wanting to go to sleep. Nick was up as late as 11pm and, as usual, we had to lose our shit at him before he went to sleep.

I just don’t get it; the little fuckers just don’t care. They only understand the “lose my shit” tone of voice and then get mad at me that I yelled. If only their hearing could pick up on the twenty thousand fucking times I ask them to do something NICELY.

 

Nick, can you please do this?
Nick? Please can you do the thing?
Nick, please do the thing, honey.
Nick? Nick… please do the thing.
….
(deep breath)
Nicholas, can you please do the thing?
Nick.
Nick!
NICK!
(at this point, he might look at me like a deer in headlights)
NICK! DO THE THING!
(by now, he’s staring at me, bewildered, as though he’s only started to hear me speak to him)
NICK! GET UP AND DO THE THING RIGHT NOW!

and at this point, “OKAY! OKAY! GEEZ!”

Really? Holy fuck.

Anyway, another day with the kids; Alex is bottling beer with Rob and starting a new brew. Five hours…

 

I slept wrong on my back last night, too. My right shoulder is excruciating right now. Stupid pinched nerve.

Today’s agenda: more drawing.

Merry Christmas!

It’s been a very Christmasy past two days.  We went to my cousin’s house for Christmas Eve and had an epic snowball fight in her basement with these soft handmade snowballs brought by Les’ friend. We were all laughing hysterically and nobody was safe. It was awesome.

The kids got to open their gifts and Nick and Rusty were given some pretty neat gifts. We got home late, as always, but it was a great day.

Today was another Christmasy day. My kids got up at 9 and we all came downstairs and opened some gifts. I got a new desk, a new light table for tracing, and a small package of goodies from my mom, including PJs, a gorgeous sheep sweater, and some bits and pieces.  Alex enjoyed the West Germany stein I got him and I think he’s looking forward to the Tesla test drive I arranged for him.

Anyway, it’s been a long day. We ate dinner at Stewart and Joanne’s place and all of us are STUFFED. It was delicious.

Tonight is more unwinding and then bed. I hope the kids let me sleep. Alex is off till Monday and we’ll have a quiet holiday at home.

I’m glad to be home.

My Thunder Bay trip was anything but happy, I’m sad to say.  As anyone who reads this blog might know, I had to leave quite abruptly last Wednesday because my grandmother was doing very poorly.  I went straight from the airport to see her and she seemed okay for the night. My mother spent the night on Wednesday and I returned Thursday morning ahead of schedule when she called me in a panic.

In true Molly fashion, my grandmother hung on as long as she could, but her breathing was intermittent and her oxygen levels were very low.  She was also unable to drink or eat anything and couldn’t take an IV because her organs were rejecting all fluids. She died Thursday night with me and my mom at her side, each of us holding one of her hands.

The next several days were a shitstorm of emotion, fighting with my mother, fighting with Alex after he flew in, and dealing with ALL THE FUCKING DRAMA. I cried not only from my grief, but also from how everyone wanted a piece of me; everyone wanted me to take their side… and I felt like none of the people who wanted a piece of me even gave a fuck that I lost one of the most important people in my life.

BUT, I took a page from Molly’s book and pushed forward. I couldn’t hide my tears nor cry in private like she did, but I endured, as I always do, and after a rollercoaster finale to the trip, finally made it back home.

I send all my love to all the people back home who put up with my emotional state and who supported me. I apologise to all the people I pissed off or pushed too far. What matters most to me is I’m back home.  The world seems a little darker now that she’s gone but I know she’ll be part of me for the rest of my life, and I’ll be sure to teach my kids what she taught me.

I love you, Grandma.

It probably won’t be long, now.

My grandmother made it through the night, though I had nightmares all night about her death and fighting with my mom — yelling, screaming matches with her.  It’s a recurring theme in my nightmares but it’s just not a good time for them to crop up. I was up at 7:15 this morning and out the door by 8. On the way, my mom said that my grandmother was dying so I skipped getting the rental car and went straight there, only to find my grandmother in the same state as when I left her.

SO, I stayed, relaxed, held her hand, and eventually napped.

Sam showed up with her mom awhile later and I got my rental car, picked up Daryl, and we had lunch. I gave Daryl our old Blu-Ray player, so she should enjoy that, I”m sure.

I then spent more time with my grandmother and decided to head back to Carol’s to get my laptop — only to find a fucking parking ticket. My first parking ticket, and it alleges that I was parked in front of someone’s driveway, which, I don’t fucking know. I thought I was clear of driveways, but apparently not. I understand the parking authority there are a bunch of assholes, anyway, and it shouldn’t really be much of a surprise.

Fuckers.

Anyway, I have a couple stops to make, but then I’m headed back to see my grandmother and I’ll at least be able to work on a couple comics in the meantime. The Red Surge is surging ahead of me and there’s a lot of inking that I need to catch up on. At least I don’t have the distractions of children here, and I can sit and work quietly when I need to.

My grandmother’s oxygen is down to 77%, which is really fucking bad — 20% lower than it should be. We’ll see how the rest of the day goes.

A short post

I did a daily drawing but I’m not uploading it because it’s not complete.

I’m flying to Thunder Bay to see my grandmother. I may or may not post when I’m away.

Gotta pack and get ready.

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Well, at least Monday is over.

It was a hell of a day.  The kids were really good for the morning, which was luckily enough to finish my daily drawing, but I sat alone with my thoughts and soon was completely miserable, by my own doing. All the reasons why are in that post I made, yesterday.  Anyway, when the kids were done resting, the sick was replaced with evil and they were back to normal, picking on each other till one of them screamed.  Because it took so long for them to get back to health, I hadn’t done my errands. Who wants to drag two kids around who are throwing up and pissing out their butts? Not me.

Anyway, I made dinner and called Alex, who picked up gifts for Beaver Scouts last night and he met me, albeit late, after a nasty exchange on the phone on the way.

Nick was really into the visit from Santa and Rusty hid behind me from Santa, but when Santa gave him a gift, Rusty said “Thank you”, which is a huge step, as he’s never said it before.

Alex joined us when the kids were eating snacks and he and I were civil again, thankfully. He wanted to go back to work but was really kind to let me drive out to see my friends at knit night. By the time I got there, they were waiting for the bill, but nobody had left yet and I was able to give them all a print for Christmas and stay and chat awhile.

I then drove home and told Alex he could head back to work but he decided not to. I could’ve stayed longer.

Ah well.

This morning was awful for getting up. Neither Alex nor I wanted to get up and we barely got Nick out the door. I was left to take care of the garbage by myself, so I did.

Today’s daily drawing is a gift for my son’s principal who likes both dinosaurs and Dr Who. I hope he enjoys it.

Have a great Tuesday!

Bummed.

First off, this is my blog and I am allowed to bitch and whine and complain here as much as I want. Here’s your preemptive warning to leave if you really don’t care and don’t want to read it.  It’s also your invitation to not post a comment or criticism about it below because I don’t give a fuck that you don’t give a fuck, so let no fucks be given and no comments about such fucks not being given be posted.

I miss my friends. I really fucking miss my friends.  That’s not to say that the fine folks behind Toronto Comix aren’t my friends because they are. What I mean are the friends I’ve been seeing just about every week for the past three and a half years at my knitting group.  I’ve not seen them regularly since October. I’ve seen them maybe five or ten minutes since November. Once. I had to drop something off and leave.

Tonight is our annual gift exchange between friends, and guess what? I can’t go.

This sucks. This really fucking sucks.

This work schedule of Alex’s is the fucking worst. I’m upset and I’m fed up. I am at home with the kids all the time, other than when I have Toronto Comix or classes. I get out seldom.  Alex and I see each other maybe two hours a day. He sees the kids less. And one out of two days, or both days, on the weekend are usually sacrificed so he can take care of stuff and unwind from the stress of his very high stress job.  Which means, I have the kids. Last weekend was the first weekend in a very long time where I had two days to get shit done without one or both anklebiters constantly biting my ankles.

Alex needs time, too, I know. He needs it as much as I do… but there aren’t enough days on the weekend. What’s worse is he’s working this Christmas so he doesn’t get time off to hang out with the family.

Nerves are wearing thin.

Yesterday was Comic con’s Christmas sale. I shared a table with Toronto Comix and helped them sell 19 copies of the comic. I autographed a few with the others and sold a couple of prints. I spent $55 on prints and sold $50, so I almost broke even for the printing costs. What I *didn’t* break even for was the cost of parking and admission. At least I got my card out, though, and got to talk about the process with some people.  The best selling print was my Poison Ivy. I also lost my big yellow sketchpad there, which is a real piss off. Luckily, I had barely done any art in it so if it is gone for good, I didn’t lose months of sketches and work for important things.

It was a long day. I couldn’t go out for dinner with the other artists and writers because we’re saving money. I came home to make dinner but Alex wasn’t hungry. I had perogies, then he went out, and when he got home, he had a pizza. I feel inadequate.

Then, sleep happened, sort of. I’ve been increasingly uncomfortable, which I suspect has something to do with — you guessed it — stress. I woke at about 5am with a migraine, then again at 6 to take care of Russell, who had puked all over the bedroom. Then up again at 8:30 because the alarm got turned off instead of snoozed. Bravo. Nick was sick this morning, too, so now I have both boys all day, gifts for scouts to buy, stuff to bake, and no time to get other important shit done.

I have a migraine. Again.  Gonna go feel like shit, now.

Posting again tomorrow. Have a great day.

So much to do!

Well, yesterday was busy. I inked 1/3 of page 2 of The Red Surge. Today, only one panel, and not even the whole panel. I just have too much to do, plus my children are wild animals who are crawling all over me like parasites. SO, I got an hour of drawing in, but that’ll have to be it.

Tomorrow is my major focus. There’s a Comiccon one day event and Toronto Comix has a table. I’ll be going to sit at the table and am bringing my art supplies, some old paintings to sell, and some prints. I have to get prints made today to sell tomorrow. I think $10 each is a fair price.

Other things to do today: Get Alex’s gift from the boys. I have something thoughtful in mind and it’s a cheap gift. Therefore, all good. Also, his gift from Santa, which is the basic yearly gift he gets of underwear and socks.

I got to sleep in today until 11, which was an amazing treat. I wasn’t expecting to be able to sleep so late.

Anyway, with so much to do, I’d better get my prints on SD card and ready to bring to Staples. Happy Saturday!

It just HAD to snow…

It feels like every time we get really bad weather, I have to go to class. Of all days, it’s always when I am going to downtown Toronto in the middle of rush hour.  As I mentioned yesterday, we got some snow. By some snow, I mean 15cm of snow. For my American readers, that’s about six or seven inches.  Add, on top of that, the wind blowing it around.

It made for some really treacherous driving, as the roads were slippery and the plows can’t be everywhere at once.  I left home at 3:30, got Nick from school, and got to my husband’s workplace at 4:15. After that, it was actually surprisingly smooth sailing.  I was really pessimistic at first, but I suppose that more people than not decided that they’d stay at home and NOT drive.  All the better for me. Greg and I got to the Korean restaurant at 5:15 and waited an hour for the others to show up. Then, it was a matter of SHOVELING our food into our pieholes and arriving at class just when it was supposed to begin. At least we made it.

I got some really good feedback on my story and have some significant changes to make. I’ll sit down with Alex this week and make those changes. Also on the list, lots of stuff. Here’s a checklist, mostly for my own reference.

 

  • Work on Red Surge inks
  • Work on pages for Condo story
  • Get prints made for the table at comic con this Sunday
  • assemble craft for Nick’s teacher
  • draw picture for Nick’s principal
  • knit cowl for Nick’s librarian
  • knit for my mother
  • knit for my cousin’s son
  • knit for my niece
  • laundry — dear god, the laundry
  • dining room table
  • drive out to a secret location to pick up a secret gift for Alex
  • go giftmas shopping for the kids and get gifts for Alex from the kids
  • bake cookies with Nick

So much to do with such little time. So much to do that I don’t wanna do it… but it has to get done.

Off I go to knit.